: 2012 - Looking Back | 2013 - Looking Forward

Looking Back

2012 was a weird year for me. It started off with something I had hoped I never had to do, which was breaking up with someone I was still very much in love with. It's actually one year ago tomorrow. I still wish it hadn't happened, but there's not much I can do about it now. And, as I've said before, it was probably for the best. At least now we're still friends, something we might not have been if we had kept on trying.

A couple of months later I started talking seriously with another girl, and spent the next 6+ months trying to make something happen there. 6+ months of disappointment and bad choices. No matter what I tried, something always came in the way, and a couple of months ago she decided that it wasn't really worth it. Or, as she said, it would be better for me to find someone who had time for me. Which I guess is true. 

I'm still looking.

In February we went down to the Netherlands to celebrate Ronald's birthday and Aldert's marriage anniversary. And in September, a bunch of them came to Norway to visit us in Hemsedal. Fun times, both times. I feel like every time I spend time with them I get a slightly better grasp of the Dutch language, at least I understand it a bit better. I'm still far off from being able to speak it, and I just can't learn it on my own. There has been some talk about me going down there for a while, to stay there for a few weeks and learn the language that way, but it's not really a top priority for anyone at the moment, unfortunately.

In April, I think it was, I had a big "falling out" (the problem was mostly on my part, really) with someone I'd had a very close relationship with for a long time, someone that I think knows me better than most people do, and I had to do something else that I never really wanted to do; Remove someone completely from my life. However, when someone has been such a big part of your life (without actually being a part of my life), it's hard to really forget about them. And I've often caught myself thinking about her. I've recently started talking to her a bit again, but due to our complicated past, I feel like I can't let her back into my life in the same way as before.

I've lost quite a lot of weight this year. Although, considering it's been an entire year, it's not really that much. And I still have a long way to go. But whatever. My weight has for the most part slowly but steadily gone down. And particularly after I got the elliptical trainer. I'm not really sure what my weight was a year ago, 'cause I didn't have a scale back then, but I think it was about 135kg. I'm now down to about 122kg. So about 13kg in a year, that's not too bad. Unfortunately, the last couple of months have been absolutely horrible for my motivation and energy, so I haven't really worked out at all. I probably could've been below 120 by now. Oh well.

After I broke up with my ex I decided I wasn't gonna go back to my old self, I wasn't gonna become a shut-in again like I was before. I don't really remember anymore what my plan actually was, but the point of it was to get out more and spend more time with friends. I'm sorry to say that I haven't really followed up on that. I don't really know why. It just never happened. I guess part of it is because I don't have any way of getting around on my own. And I've never really been the kind of guy that goes anywhere without there being a special occasion anyway... So, yeah. I want to change that, I just don't know how.

On major thing that has changed since this time last year, is my apartment  A year ago it was filled with all kinds of stuff and trash, it was a complete chaos. In a way there's still a bit to do, but compared to back then it's infinitely better. Unfortunately it seems I won't get that help cleaning my apartment properly that I was promised for most of 2012. For some reason it was impossible for social services to dig up someone who could do it for me, which I find really odd. And I don't really know what has happened to the whole deal now. It would've been so nice to get this fixed, to have my apartment cleaned properly by someone who knows what they're doing, but... It seems it's not gonna happen.

And that's all the significant things I can remember about 2012 right now.

Looking Forward

I don't really have any plans for 2013. Well, except for one. I was lucky enough to get enough money to start working on my driver's license, so I'm gonna do that soon. Not sure when, but I'm gonna go down and talk to someone some day soon. I just want to get some other stuff sorted out first, if I can. Other than that, I don't really know what I want to do this year. I can't even think of anything significant that's relevant to me that'll happen this year. So... Yeah. But I guess having one plan is better than none. Everything else is just "business as usual"; Keeping up with the changed lifestyle and getting back to working out. Hopefully lose another 12kg, or more.

Right now, though, I'm not gonna do anything. Yesterday I had my last wisdom tooth pulled, and area around was seriously infected, so it still hurts quite a bit. It was also really stuck in there, so the dentist had to really use his might to get it out, which means it's also really sore. Painkillers work, fortunately, and it's a lot more manageable than before it was pulled, but it still wears me out pretty fast. Eating and drinking is a bit awkward too, as I want to disturb the healing as little as possible. So for now I'm gonna care about nothing, and probably go sleep a bit. 

See ya.

: The past two weeks + Christmas

The past two weeks have been quite interesting, actually.

Last Monday: I finally got my fiber-connection! I was up at midnight because I was watching NASL4 (Starcraft II), and I was a bit distracted by that so I forgot to check exactly at midnight as I had planned (just for fun). But at about 1pm I started hooking stuff up, and, after a bit of messing around with something that didn't quite get set up right because I misunderstood it, it actually worked. Of course, the first thing I did was put it to the test, and started a bunch of downloads while still watching the NASL4 stream. I think my download speed in total was about 3MB/s, and the stream was still going with no interruptions. The stream was only in 480p, because I wasn't subscribed, but still. It's fucking awesome! =D

Saturday: The rest of the week wasn't very eventful, just me enjoying the fast connection, then on Saturday was Yrjan's 30th birthday party. The day was pretty awesome over all. We started off at Peppes, as suggested by Hallgeir. I think there were 15 of us in total there. Hallgeir, Shawna, Rune, Terje and me at one end of the table, and Yrjan's family at the other end, with Yrjan and Tonje in the middle. Hallgeir, Rune and me did our usual thing, of course. While everyone else just ordered something simple from the menu, we did our usual "Über Complicated Order Process (TM)", creating our own monster-pizzas. The guy who took our order was actually laughing at the end because of how ridiculous it was. =P

After Peppes we went directly up to Huset, to where the party was gonna be. There was still quite some time left before the party was actually supposed to start when we got there, but we passed the time by playing with balloons. Yay! The party itself was actually quite fun. As probably everyone who knows me even remotely know, I'm not a party person. I don't drink, and I don't like drunk people. I don't dance, and I don't really "let go". But I still had a lot of fun just being with people, and enjoying the music. That's pretty much all I really did all night. The party was cut a bit short, though, which unfortunately meant that Yrjan's Hardcore-medley wasn't played. Oh well. He made it available to us the next day, so at least we can listen to it anyway.

Part of the reason why it was cut short was because one of us got way too drunk. Not the kind of way too drunk that he started causing trouble, fortunately. But it was still pretty bad. I think the security-guy threw him out, but I'm not sure. Whatever the case, he started walking around aimlessly, and  ended up being picked up by the police who escorted him back to Huset and told us that he was not capable of taking care of himself. So we decided that, even though there was technically still an hour and half left of the party, it was best to take him back home. And as everything had sort of died down, I guess partially because everyone was worried about this guy, Yrjan decided there was no point in keeping the party going.

The ride home was weird. This guy was so out of it he couldn't really sit up, so I sat behind him and held him up most of the way, so he wouldn't lean on Rune who was driving. Then when we got back to Dokka we ended up sitting with him for, I think, about an hour, to make sure he was okay. When I talked to him a couple of days later he couldn't really remember anything that had happened. Weird.

And yes, I have intentionally avoided mentioning his name. 

Sunday: Saturday was also my grandmother's 70th birthday, but she had decided to celebrate it on Sunday. There's really not too much to say about this day, really, but I did spend most of it at their place, with them, my aunt's family and my uncle's family. It was a pretty good day. =)

As you might know, if you've read my previous entry, it didn't end so good. After I got home I had a sort of breakdown, and ended up writing that thing. Part of me wants to go delete it, but... I don't know. I get like that some times, and this time I was able to get it out. In a way. So, yeah. I think I'm gonna keep it there. I just want to say, though, that I don't feel like that all of the time. I feel lonely most of the time, but not that... Extreme.

Monday: When I left the house on Monday, I had planned to only be away for a couple of hours. That didn't really happen. I started off going to an appointment I had with a kind of personal trainer type lady. I had been there once before, but all we did then was talk about my situation, my condition, and my illnesses. This time we went over different exercises, setting up a program for me, one that I can do at home, or just about anywhere. Most of the exercises are ones I've tried before, but with her instructions I discovered that I had done almost all of them wrong in one way or the other. They all felt so much better doing them how she told me. The only exercise I had done right is one that I feel it's difficult to do wrong; Push-ups. She was actually impressed by how good I did them, so hey.

When I was done, I went to my grandparents. Their fiber-connection was getting activated that day, and I had to set everything up for them. I figured that because I had already set up my own only a week earlier, I could do this pretty quickly. But... It wasn't that simple. I set everything up the exact same way I had done here, without doing the same mistakes I did here, and everything appeared to be working... Except it didn't. I went over everything several times, and couldn't find a single fault in how it was set up. So I had to call Telenor's fiber-support. Turns out the problem was on their end. I'm not quite sure what was wrong, but the guy did something and suddenly everything worked. So, yay for that, or something.

Not too long after that was fixed, Thor Idar called me. He lives next door to my grandparents, and he couldn't get his fiber-connection up and running either. So I went over there, looked over what he had done and fixed what he had done wrong (in his defense, they had gotten the fiber-modem a lot earlier than everyone else, because their old one was broken, and he couldn't find the manual for it). And of course, it still didn't work. So he had to call Telenor as well. I'm convinced the error was the same as at my grandparents, but the guy Thor was talking to couldn't figure it out, even though I explained what the guy I talked to had said (something about reactivating the connection). So the call ended without anything being fixed, he just said that they'd "look into it". A while later he got a call back, and just as he picked up I looked over at the modem and all the right lights were lit. So, yay for that too.

I stayed at Thor's place for quite a while after that, until about 10pm I think. We watched some Starcraft2 streams and VoDs, and just talked about random stuff. Which is something that I don't think I've done with him before, come to think of it, not like that. Rune and I have days like that quite often, but I've never really had that close of a connection with Thor. I really don't know why, because he's a really great guy. =)

The rest of this week I haven't done much. I've mostly been sitting here at home. Monday night was a terrible night, for no good reason. I went to bed a couple of hours after I got back from Thor's place, so at about midnight. But about three and half hour later I woke up feeling like I hadn't really slept. And I could sort of remember going in and out of sleep all that time, kind of like when you have fever dreams. It was really weird. I couldn't fall asleep again either, so I got up and stayed up until about 10am, then I finally go a few hours of real sleep. But I was completely knocked out for the rest of the day when I got back up. Since then I haven't done much.

Plans for Christmas: First of all, I have decided that I'm not gonna bother with any weight loss stuff during Christmas. I'm gonna do what I can to stay where I am, and not go crazy on the candy and stuff like that, but I'm just gonna skip working out completely. I don't have the energy for that anyway. When Christmas and new years is over, then I'm gonna try to get back on it.

On Christmas Eve I'm gonna be at my grandparents. I can't remember the last time I was there on Christmas Eve, but it's been quite a few years. When my dad was still alive, we used to alternate between being at his place or moms place. Then after he passed away I've spent every Christmas Eve with mom. This year, however, mom has decided to run away from Christmas. Basically, she decided that Christmas Eve without any small children (everyone has other plans) was a bit too sad, so she and her boyfriend are in Gran Canaria right now. And I don't really blame her. I think I was the only one who would've been with them if they've stayed here, so... Yeah. I wasn't looking too much forward to that either. At least there will be more people at my grandparents place, as my aunt's family will be there too.

Some time after Christmas Eve I will have a LAN. I haven't really set a date for it, because it wasn't really planned. Or... I had planned to throw a LAN, but then Marius and Veronica beat me to it. And I had originally planned to go to their LAN. The problem is, they live 15 minutes, by car, away from everything. And since I don't have a car of my own I can't get up there, or back down, own my own, nor do I have anyone I can trust to help me with it when I want or need it. I have nothing against neither them nor being at their place, but it makes me feel a bit trapped because it's so far away from everything. Hopefully I can change that before next year, but I'll talk about that a bit further down.

So, there will be one LAN down here at my place, and another LAN at their place. Not an optimal solution, but it'll have to do. The ones who are coming here are Rune, Yrjan and Thor Idar. Yrjan and Thor for the same reason as me, I think, as they're both still without a driver's license even though they're both very close, and Rune because... Well, it's not my place to say. Or something. So, yeah. There are room for more people here, so if anyone else wants to come just ask. =)

Next year: Back in September I was told that because of the type of financial support I'm getting, I can get back most, maybe all, of the "income tax" I pay off of it. So I sent a complaint to Skatteetaten back then, and last week I finally got a letter from them. It said that my complaint had gone through, and that I would get money back. It didn't say how much, though, so I'm not making any concrete plans yet. But if I get anywhere near what my dads cousin got, she was the one who told me about it, then I have decided to finally start working on my driver's license, for real. I did have a couple of lessons back in 2006, but I can barely remember any of it. Because I was still suffering rather severely from my sleeping disorder back then, I wasn't able to continue them. Also, my mom was paying for it back then, and her economy wasn't the greatest. 

For the longest time, I flat out didn't want to get a driver's license. The thought of getting behind the wheel of a car and be responsible for what happened scared the life out of me, and actually still do. But the past few years it's become more and more of a pain that I don't have it, and during the past year and a half it's been really frustrating on several occasions. But in my situation there hasn't been any opportunities to get started on it. There's no way to get financial support from the state, unless you're a single mother living in no-mans-land or possibly if you only need a little bot of help to get finished. I don't have any relatives who can afford paying it for me. And I have no means of saving up the money on my own when I am unable to have a normal job. The only way I could get that amount of money is by winning it. And... Yeah. That's not gonna happen.

Anyway. I still don't know how much I'll get, so I'll have to wait and see. And, referring to the statement above about hoping to "change that before next year", even if I do get enough, I don't know how long getting the license will take, particularly considering I have to start from scratch. So I don't know if I'll have a driver's license before next years New Years LAN. But I hope I will.

I do have a second plan with that money, if I get the amount I hope for. Before starting the driver's license I'm gonna get myself a new desktop computer. My laptop is ok, but it overheats like crazy, and my old desktop is a pile of junk. And I know what you're thinking; Wouldn't it be smart to finish the driver's license before wasting the money on other stuff? And you're probably right. But. If I get that amount of money, then I'll surely get about the same amount again when it's time for the next tax return, because I've had the same type of financial support. And now that I know about it, I can hopefully fix it in time, and not have to send a complaint several months later to get it fixed.

So yeah. That's one thing next year hopefully will bring. But I still have to wait and see exactly how much I do get, so... Yeah.


Aaaand... That's the end of this way too long blog post. Now I gotta go sleep. 

: Lonely bastard.

I am at a loss for what to do. The way I am, the way I work, the things I do and don't do, makes it very difficult for me to meet someone. I don't go to places where it would be likely I'd meet new people, like parties, clubs, bars... And I honestly don't think I'd find someone I'd want in those kind of places anyway. I mean, I don't have anything against that stuff, but it just isn't for me. I'm not the type of guy that is able to go up to someone unknown and initiate a conversation either, particularly not if I find them attractive. Unless of course there's some sort of other purpose to why I'd initiate a conversation with them, and then I'd just get that over with and leave. I'm just very awkward in both of those kind of situations.

And then there's dating sites... They just don't work. At least not for me. I have neither the looks nor am I interesting enough for anyone to looks twice. These type of sites are very much based around first impressions, and I really don't make a good one. And then there's the fact that most of these sites, the allegedly good ones, cost money, which I don't have. And even if I did I wouldn't pay. Because... They don't work. For me.

So, yeah... I don't know what to do. I don't know where to go, how to start, what to say, how to act... I just don't know. It's frustrating. Some people say that I should just let it go, that it will happen when it happens. I don't believe that. At least not in my situation. Unless I find some way to make something happen, nothing will ever happen. But I don't know how to make something happen. I also can't let it go. Every freaking night when I go to bed, I lie awake for quite a while not being able to think about anything other than how much I miss having someone next to me. I just really want to have that back.

And that's how things are right now, for me. I'm a lonely bastard with a negative outlook on just about everything related to love. I want it, but I can't have it. And I don't know how to fix that. I guess I could ask for help, from someone, but I don't know who I should ask, or even what kind of help it is I want. So I guess the purpose of this post, other than to vent, is to... Ask for help. Whatever you can offer, from whoever believes they can offer some.

Help.

: Status Meh.

Two months minus nine days. That's how long it's been since my last update. I just really haven't felt like writing anything. Or rather, I have, but I haven't felt like writing about what I've had to write about. Not that there's really been much to write about anyway. So I figured I'd just write a small update on what's been going on. So, let's see...

Well, first of all, that whole thing with Lisa, that never really was anything, is now definitely nothing. Long story short; I screwed up again. I think. I really don't know, to be honest. I think maybe I did what I usually do, and pushed too hard, got too intense about it. And that's... Bad. The whole thing went back and forth a lot, particularly the last couple of months, and in the end she said it was better to end it. Claiming that it would be better for me to find someone who had time for me. Which I guess is true. But probably not the whole story. So yeah, she's gone from my life. And there's no one else at the moment. Seriously, there's no one. And that is... Weird.

I did have some sort of "date" a while back, the day after my previous update actually, which I had a good feeling about when we parted. Unfortunately, she didn't see it the same way. I mean, she also thought the "date" went well, but she "friendzoned" me later that evening. I just didn't want to deal with that, so I just... Dropped her. The absolute last thing I need right now is to just be friends with yet another girl that I have a crush on. It was bad enough the last time.

So, yeah.

Um... What else has been happening that last couple of months? Not much, really. I've been talking to social services and my doctor about my sleep, and particularly how it affects my ability to function even with the almost normal sleep cycle I have now, and I had a meeting to discuss it with both at the same time but it was cancelled for some reason. Essentially, though, what the doctor said is that there are two more things we can try; Up the strength of the medication, and light therapy. Stronger meds might make the nights that I still can't fall asleep be even less frequent than they are now. It doesn't happen often, but I'm completely fucked up when it does. I'm not so sure about the light therapy, though. Normally, it would work. But as far as I've understood, I'm not affected by light and dark the same way normal people are. I don't get tired when the sun goes down. I don't wake up when the sun comes up. But, I'm gonna try. If we decide to. It all comes down to how expensive it is, really.

And, yeah... That's the most important things, I guess. A couple of minor thing;

• I've shaved my beard and cut my hair super-short. So now I don't look like an amish guy anymore. I look like a lesbian. Sort of. Although I have a five-day beard right now, so probably not so much.
• Fiber-connection is just around the corner, hopefully. I have all the stuff, I just need it to be activated. Which will happen on Monday, according to the letter I got. I don't believe it until it's actually up and running, though.
• My motivation to work out has been completely gone the last month. I blame the season. And my lack of a "focus", so to speak. But, I'm seeing a personal trainer of sorts next Monday, so... Yeah. Managed to keep my weight stable, though.
• I have a new toilet. The plumber was here to fix the old one, which we thought had a leak around the bottom. Turned out the leak was on the cistern-thing in the back, and it was both cheaper and easier to just switch out the whole thing than to try fixing it.

And that's an update on my life at the moment.

I need a girlfriend.

: Time flies.

It's been a bit over a year now since I restarted this blog. It's also been a month since my last update, which means it's already been a month since my birthday. Time flies. During this month I've been mostly playing some new games (Torchlight II and Borderlands 2, as well as quite a bit of FTL), which is the main reason why there hasn't been an update here. Another reason is that I haven't really had anything to write that isn't the same whiny stuff that I've been writing about lately. I've written several posts this month, but I just haven't published any of them. I've just deleted them all, partially because I couldn't put what I wanted to say into words, and partially because I didn't want to be so whiny.

It's been a good month, though, over all. Had my friend Rune basically living at my place for three weeks as we played TLII and BL2 until we dropped (almost literally some days), which was really fun. I didn't really exercise at all during these weeks, and I ate a lot of snacks and stuff, but somehow my weight still went down. Not quite sure why, but I guess it's a combination of increased metabolism and better choices when it comes to the actual food I've been eating. Not to mention that I've started having a lot of smoothies after I got a blender as a birthday present from my grandparents. They say it's supposed to be healthy, so I guess it is. 

I'm back on track with all that stuff now, though, have been exercising a bit again the past week (although it's a bit hard getting back into it after three weeks), and have once again cut out all forms of snacks and stuff like that. Weirdly, my weight seems to have gone slightly up again the past few days, but I guess that's bound to happen some times. It'll go back down again in time.

Other than that... There's really not much to talk about right now. There's nothing new or exciting that has been going on, unfortunately. Nothing that has led anywhere other than to disappointment, anyway. Things are still at a standstill with Lisa, unfortunately, although I do now understand better why. And my attempts at moving on has been fruitless. That's really all there is to say about that.

Hopefully it won't be another month until my next update, and hopefully I'll have something good to write about the next time I write. 

: It's my birthday.

Today is my birthday. I turn 28 today. Hooray for me?

I have a history of a sort of semi-depression around my birthdays, I think since my 18th birthday. Last year I didn't really have that, partially because I went to the Netherlands on that day, so I was pretty distracted by that, but mostly because it was the first birthday of my life that I was in a relationship. We didn't get to spend the day together, because of the trip, but... Either way, I didn't experience any particular depression about it. The three years before that... Well, the first two of those years it didn't hit that hard because I had the sort-of-job at DeltaData. The third it was a bit weird, because I knew that the company was bankrupt and I wouldn't have a sort-of-job anymore at the end of the month.

The main reason why I feel this way bout my birthday is because of the lack of progress in my life. Or maybe I should say the lack of potential for progress? At least I couldn't see the potential for progress. I didn't have a real job, and didn't see it as possible in any way that I could get one (which I still don't). Having the sort-of-job helped a bit, but I knew that I'd never be hired as regular employee. I didn't have a girlfriend, and didn't see it as possible that I'd ever get one. When I finally did, I was doubting the reality of it for a while. Now that it's over I'm sort of back to thinking it won't happen again. At least I'm having a really hard time getting it to happen. Health-wise I was also doing really badly, which was mostly caused by my sleeping disorder. Before I got my diagnosis and meds that actually work (most of the time), I didn't see any potential for improvement there either. I just didn't have the energy to work on it, because of my lack of sleep.

This year I'm not hit that hard by the depression. As mentioned, I still don't see any possibility that I'll ever have a real job. But I have an explanation for why it is the way it is. I can live with that, as long as I'm allowed to, so to speak. I don't have a girlfriend, and my attempts to "fix" that just isn't having an effect. At least it seems that way. But it has happened once. It can happen again. My health is slowly but surely getting better and better. It's the one thing in my life that actually is progressing, and it feels great, it really does. And the fact that I've managed to get my apartment back to a liveable condition during this year also helps quite a bit. 

I don't have a great life. It's really mediocre, in so many ways. But it's getting better. In small ways, a little bit at a time. And that makes me feel a bit better than previous birthdays.


I have no specific plans for today that is related to my birthday. I am going to a party tonight, but that's the wedding party for my aunt and uncle, who got secretly married earlier this summer. So that really makes no room for me to make any plans of my own. Oh well. I'm sure it'll be fun, and I can pretend it's also my party, I guess. I am thinking of having a LAN next weekend, though, which really is better timing anyway as Torchlight II is released (finally!) this Thursday. I know at least Rune is coming. If anyone else wants to come just message me wherever you can find me. Or just leave a comment here.

: Ups and downs. UPDATED

Yesterday I felt awesome. I felt a lot better than I had felt in a long time. I don't know why, but it doesn't really matter. I started a new tumblog(?) for my health, although I'm not quite sure exactly what to put up there yet, other than progress pictures of myself as I (hopefully) lose more and more weight. I might post my exercises there too, but for some reason I can't post directly from Fitocracy to a secondary blog, it automatically posts to my primary blog. I don't know if that's a problem with Fitocracy or Tumblr, but it's annoying. On the other hand, the default Fitocracy tumblr-posts are awful, so it might be better to post on my health-blog manually. Anyway...

The first post on my new health-blog on Tumblr.

I also had some fun in the kitchen yesterday. I made the most home-made pizza I've made in years. I still used a pre-made crust, the type that you just roll out and then put stuff on it, but I didn't take any more shortcuts. Previously I have bought those pizza topping mixes, that you mix with the meat and some water and then "yay, finished". I used actual fresh vegetables, namely bell pepper, onion, mushrooms (yes, fresh, not the canned kind) and tomatoes. And I used chicken instead of pork or beef. The result was pretty delicious, although not perfect. I made some notes about how to hopefully make it better next time, though. Now if only I could find a more whole-grain crust...

The result of my kitchen fun. =)

Today I, unfortunately, feel rather crappy. Most likely due to waking up in the middle of the night and not being able to sleep again for over an hour. This has been happening more and more lately, and it's very annoying. It might be because I lost my focus a bit for about a week and a half, and pretty much "fell off the wagon" when it came to both exercise and eating habits. I've gotten back on track now, so I hope it'll get better again soon. But due to my lack of sleep last night, my workout today felt a lot heavier than it should have.

It's a shame the actual effect of my sleeping meds isn't that long. It pretty much just causes me to fall asleep, and then I'm on my own, so to speak. If I do wake up in the middle of the night, the whole thing is essentially cancelled. I mean, I do get the benefit of the rest I've gotten up to that point, but it's hard to fall back asleep, and even when I do it's not as restful as it was before I woke up. Weirdly, though, this doesn't seem to happen if I just have to get up to pee. I guess maybe because I'm sort of still halfway asleep or something? 

Either way. I'll most likely be heading to bed relatively early today, and hopefully I'll get a good nights sleep tonight. If I do, I'm gonna try to reach at least 25mins, hopefully 30, on one of the sessions on the elliptical tomorrow. I've been as high as 35mins, but I honestly don't know what was going on that day. I must've had some sort of amazing energy burst, 'cause the 35min session was the last of three, the first two being 30min and 10min. I want more days like that... 

Update:
I decided to go for a walk tonight. I was about to ready to just zone out with a movie or something until bedtime, just had to take out the trash... Then I got outside, and the cold fresh air was just... Heaven, really. So I decided that I should go for a short walk, despite the rain. By the time I actually got to walking the rain had stopped, and the air felt a bit less fresh, but I went anyway. And I went much farther than I had planned. And I probably could've gone even further if I hadn't forgotten my water bottle. Probably should've done this in the first place, and just skipped the elliptical today. Oh well, now I've done a little bit of both. And I feel a lot better.