: Infected eyes and long walks.

This blog post comes in three parts. =P

Part 1: Infected eyes.

Last Thursday, almost two weeks ago now, my eye started feeling kind of weird. I kept feeling like there was some kind of grit in it, but there was nothing to be found. Without thinking too much about it I kept rubbing my eyes all day, which probably didn't help as much as I had hopes. It probably made things worse, actually. 

When I woke up on Friday, my eye had actually become swollen. Not the eye itself, that is, but everything around it. I still didn't pay too much attention to it, but during the day it just kept getting worse. In the end it was bright red and I could barely keep it open. During the rest of the day and Saturday I tried having some cold and wet paper or washcloth or something on my eye, as it made it feel better. I don't know if it helped anything, or actually made it worse, but it soothed the irritation for a bit.

Looks weird.

On Sunday I had given up trying to use the eye. I just kept it closed the entire day, even when I went to my grandparents for my grandfather's birthday, and it went by without any real problems. Except that I had no depth perception, so whenever I tried to do something that required some kind of finesse, like eating dinner with my relatives, I kept almost-missing the mark. Fun. =P

On Monday I went to the doctor. I had a doctor's appointment that day anyway, so I was thinking I could just get some help while I was there anyway. That didn't quite go as planned as I had somehow written the wrong time in my calender, so I showed up an hour after my appointment. So I had to wait for about half an hour for another doctor to have a look at my eye. Turns out it had become infected somehow. Fortunately, it was a relatively harmless infection. I got some eye drops, and have been using them since. 

On Wednesday my other eye had somehow become infected as well. Not too surprised by that, as the doctor said it was likely to happen, and I could just use the same eye drops on both eyes. Today is the first day that my eye feels like it's completely healed, but I'll still use them at least one more day. I still have no idea why they got infected, though. I had a theory that I had rubbed my eyes while I was cleaning, getting some of the soap or other cleaning agents in my eyes, but I have no idea.

Part 2: Long walks.

Nice, but uninteresting. =P

The last few months, I haven't been doing much exercising of any kind. I've been talking the occasional walk, but nothing near what I did the last half of 2011. It's part of the setback I wrote briefly about a while ago. It's the part that I hadn't turned back around yet. Until now.

On Thursday I decided to go for a walk out of Dokka, towards Odnes and Søndre Land. It's a very nice road, although not very interesting. It allows for quite a long walk, as it consists of several long stretches of straight roads, so in a way I'm almost walking on auto-pilot. Except I'm not. Because of the problems with my feet and legs, I have to pay close attention to exactly how I'm walking, which is another reason why all the long straight roads is a good thing. It allows me to walk quite a lot while focusing mostly on trying to walk correctly.

Almost home!

That first walk, I only went about 2,25km from home before I turned back. When I got home, after walking for 4,5km, I felt that was a bit too short. I could've gone longer. But I didn't want to go back out, so I just figured I'd go longer next time. On Sunday I went for my second walk, turning around at exactly 3km. This time, about half a kilometer before I was home, I felt that I could just keep walking, so I took a rather long detour back home, ending up with a total of 7,6km. Felt good. 

Unfortunately, I forgot to do the stretching exercises my physiotherapist taught me when I got back, so my legs started feeling really stiff after a while. Tried doing them later in the evening, but it didn't have too much effect.

Far away from home. P=

On Monday a friend of mine, Yrjan, invited me to Fitocracy, an exercise-tracking site for gamers, in a way. It allows you to track all your physical activity, and awards you points based on what you do. You level up, get achievements, and complete quests. It's quite fun, actually, and yet another way for me to motivate myself to keep on walking. And maybe find some other ways to exercise as well, I just don't know what yet. Any ideas? =P 

Today I went for yet another walk along that road. I wanted to go even longer this time, if I could. And before I knew it, just 250m further down the road from where I turned around on Sunday, I had moved into the next, uh... Municipality? That's what Google Translate calls it. Anyway. I hadn't seen it on Sunday, as it was just around the next turn. I kept walking past it, turning around at 3,4km. Was gonna turn at 3,5km but I there was an underpass, so I turned before I went down it. I could've gone a detour back home this time as well, but I decided against it. Mostly because I was getting rather hungry. Two big differences about this walk, though; I remembered to bring something to drink, and I stretched as soon as I got home. Possibly as a result, I felt a lot better when I was done.

One last note; I've walked more during these three walks, plus one other, more local, walk on Saturday, than I did during the entire month of February. Actually, just the last two are more than I actually recorded in February. =P 

Part 3: Eqamusic 

I have deleted my music blog, Eqamusic. I don't want to talk too much about this, so the short version; I'm just not into music enough to maintain a blog like that. I hadn't updated the blog since October, and that's not for a lack of trying. I just couldn't find anything interesting to write about there. So, now it's gone. Oh well.

: The irrationality of traditions.

I'm not much for traditions personally. I mean, they're neat, and might be fun to follow when possible, but I don't have any traditions that I try to cling on to, and follow no matter what. The reason simply being that most traditions either are, or more likely have become, completely irrational.

Many traditions might have a source with a cause. They started with a reason, and have kept on going for years and years, until no one remembers any more exactly why they do what they do, they just keep on doing it because it's how it's always been. This is very nicely illustrated in the 5 Monkey Eperiment. The problem often is that over the years, the reason for doing it have disappeared. And instead, there are an increasing number of reasons for not doing it. And still, people keep on doing what they've been doing, even though they most likely don't know why they were doing it in the first place.

Now, I'm not saying that all traditions are bad. There are a lot of very innocent traditions that are just for fun, or useful traditions that still have a purpose. And if you want to stick with those, while they're still innocent or useful, then by all means do so. There's also the option of adjusting outdated or harmful traditions so they fit in with how the world have evolved and no longer cause the problems they otherwise would in today's society. That's also perfectly fine. But you have to stop once in a while and think about what you're doing, why you're doing it, and how it affects the people around you.

The biggest problem is family traditions. Things that most, maybe even all, of the older generations within a family believes define their specific family, what they believe makes them special. And when I say older generations, I really mean anyone old enough to have the ability to form their own opinions about things. In these families, traditions tend to survive far longer than they should, because it's taught as a way of life to every new generation, the opinion that this is the way to do it has been imprinted in their minds long before they're able to form their own opinions about it. It's just how they live, it's what they are...

But at some point, someone has to look closely at what they're doing, and if there really is something wrong with it, they have to stand up and say "I'm sorry, but I no longer see the point of doing this. We're no longer preserving our family's identity by doing this, we're actually hurting our own by doing what we're doing". I really wish this happened more often, that people dared to stand up to their family authorities and question or change things that don't make sense, or are outright harmful. 

It's very sad, in oh so many ways, that people are willing to sacrifice the life-quality of others, even their own family, to preserve outdated and pointless family identities. And it's frustating to stand on the outside and watch it happen, and not be able to do anything about it...

This is a response to a family situation, which is why it ends the way it does...

: Poly-amory.

I consider myself to be what is called poly-amorous. I feel like talking about what that is, or at least my understanding of it, and how I feel about it. I fear that this post might get a lot of negative attention from people who "know better", but whatever. I'll deal with that if/when it happens.

What does it mean to be poly-amorous?

Being poly-amorous means that you find yourself falling in love with, or at least develop strong feelings for, more than one person at a time. Being poly-amorous does not mean that you're necessarily a polygamist, although in my view there's nothing wrong with that either, as long as all parties agree to it. That's really the easiest way to explain what it is. I, personally, am convinced that everyone is poly-amorous to a certain degree, but that it "affects" some people more than others; That some people can fall deeply in love with several people at a time, and does so rather consistently, and others are essentially mono-amorous, very rarely feeling any attraction towards anyone other than their partner... And everything in between. Most people live mono-amorously, though, so one can't really call them poly-amorous. 

Poly-amory symbol.

This seems wrong...

Well, that's mainly because most people nowadays have been taught that mono-amory and monogamy is the only right way to live, and that there is a "one" for everyone. But, being attracted to, and developing feelings for, several people at a time is natural. We're built to be attracted to others, without any specified limit to how many others we can be attracted to. It doesn't matter to our brain that we already have a partner when we see someone else that we find attractive. So you can't really blame anyone for developing feelings for someone other than their partner, as it isn't really their fault. And it doesn't mean they feel any less for either of them than they would if they were mono-amorous.

And yes, I know there are certain species of animals that actually are monogamous, that pick and stay with one partner for their entire life. For some reason this is something that a lot of people bring up when this topic is discussed. But those species aren't the norm, there's actually very few of them. And for those that are monogamous, there is probably some sort of evolutionary and/or environmental reason for it, like that it's too difficult for one single individual of the species to care for, and ensure the survival of, the offspring... Which is not really the case for humans.

But... Isn't it cheating?

Well, that really depends on your definition of cheating. And if you define cheating as having feelings for someone other than your partner, then yes it is. But by that definition, I'm pretty sure that almost everyone who's ever been in a relatively long term relationship has "cheated" on their partner. What I would consider cheating is acting on those feelings behind your partner's back. And I'm not talking about innocent flirting, but actually getting into some sort of relationship, emotional or physical. If you feel the need to act upon those feelings, make sure your partner knows and consents. It's as simple as that.

What about jealousy?

Well, jealousy is also natural of course. People don't like the thought of other people using their stuff. But I feel the level of jealousy that we see in some people today isn't just a result of how we're built anymore. Again, most people today have been taught that monogamy is the right way, that it's the only way human relationships are supposed to work. And because of that, even the thought of their "one" being attracted to someone else will make them react very poorly. A lot of relationships could've been saved if people just understood that they don't necessarily mean any less to their partner just because they develop feelings for someone else.

How does one live with it?

The easiest way to live with being highly poly-amorous, is to have an open relationship. That probably doesn't need to be explained, but I will do it anyway; It essentially means that you stick with one person that is your chosen partner, but you've both agreed on that being with others is perfectly fine, as long as you're being honest with each other about it. It's the most traditional way of dealing with poly-amory from what I can find. Historically, apparently up until as recently as about 60 years ago, it was normal, particularly for men, to hook up with other women outside of their marriage. But for some reason, instead of "giving" women the freedom to be with more than one person, this freedom was "taken away" from men.

Another, more difficult, way to handle it, is polygamy or polyfidelity/polyexclusivity. The most common variation of this is one man with many women, but it can be done in so many combinations. This is very tricky to pull off, though, and requires that everyone involved is committed to keeping it afloat, and that everyone is considered equal. If one or more of the people involved either isn't 100% committed, or want to "rise up" and limit the involvement of someone else, the whole group might collapse. It has to be up to every "link" within the group to decide how their specific relationship will work, while at the same time, of course, considering how it will affect other "links". To avoid too many complications, these kind of groups sometimes consider themselves exclusive, meaning that no one within the group will enter into a relationship with someone not accepted into the group.

How has poly-amory affected you?

Well, I am somewhat strongly affected, in that I rather easily develop feelings for someone. Those feelings rarely last too long, at least not if they're not returned, but it varies a lot. Right now, there are five different girls that I have some sort of attraction to; One that has lasted for five years, one that has lasted about three years i think, and another for little over a year. The last two are relatively fresh. All of these five know that I have feelings for them to some degree, and three of them know, and approve, of my poly-amory. The fourth might know, I'm not sure. And the fifth I haven't really talked to a lot.

How do you deal with it?

For me it's quite simple. Or at least it is now. Over the years, I have developed an ability to push back feelings that aren't returned, which has also led me to be able to push back feelings for anyone else when it actually is returned. At least that's what I experienced when I got together with Wenche. Up until then there was one girl, Andrea, that was almost always on my mind. But during my relationship with Wenche I barely ever thought about Andrea in that way. It did of course happen from time to time, but for the most part, my feelings were completely focused on Wenche. I don't expect that to last forever, though, but that is part of why I've decided to be open about this, so that whoever I end up with knows who I am and how I work, and thus what to expect.

: Friend-zone.

So... Yeah. I've been sort of caught up in someone else's drama this weekend. I did it because I care, but the feeling I'm left with isn't too good. And the reason for that is simple; I care too much. I don't want to go into details about what the drama was about and who it involved. It's not really for me to talk about, and it doesn't really matter anyway. I just wish this wasn't the feeling I'm left with...

As for the LAN this weekend, I still have the same problem as back in January; There's really no games that I want to play on a LAN at the moment. I'm still waiting for at least one of these games (except Starcraft II) to be released. Gief!

Oh, and I finally wrote a new post over at Eqagames as well.