: My goal in life.

Warning: This post consists mostly of me beating down on myself. I'd prefer it if you just move along if you can't deal with that, or for some reason feel the need to act superior, make fun of it, or beat me down even more.

For the past year I've been thinking a lot on what my goal in life is. A lot of that has to do with my ex asking me that question on several occasions in the time before we broke up. It's a question that I, in my situation, hasn't been able to answer. When you think about having a goal in life, you usually think about stuff like careers, or having children, seeing the world, changing something... Stuff like that. I don't have those goals. That doesn't necessarily mean I don't want any of it, but it's not important to me in that way.

: Not one for book-learnin'.

I am not a book-person. I wish I was, as I imagine there are quite a few amazing books out there, but I just can't bring myself to actually read. I guess I've been spoiled by games, movies and TV-series when it comes to pacing in story-telling. Although, then again maybe not. Maybe I've always been this way.

Fiction

When I was younger, up to about 13-14, I did read books. Not a lot, but I read some. I particularly enjoyed the Narnia-books, and I've also read three of four different versions of Robinson Crusoe. And a few other random books here and there, like a very long and complicated version of the Jungle Book. But there's one thing I found time and time again, and that is that I am unable to stay focused during the "down-time" in books. If the "action" is put on hold for some mundane side-story or drawn-out character development or whatever, my mind starts drifting and suddenly I've read a couple of pages without actually knowing what I've read, resulting in having to go back and re-read a usually incredibly boring part of the book.

This is part of the reason why I don't sit down and read books, 'cause I know there will be these parts in the book, and I know I'll drift off when reading them, which makes what should've been an enjoyable experience very tedious and annoying. And I can't exactly skip these parts either, 'cause then I might miss important plot points, and something that happens later will make no sense to me. Not to mention that skipping ahead in a book is essentially a guessing game. In movies and TV-series, and to some degree games, you usually don't have that problem. There's always something real you can focus on to keep you interested in what's going on, and if it's based on a book, the most boring parts have most likely been cut or edited to make a long point short.

Non-Fiction

Frustratingly, this also happens whenever I'm studying something. Whether it be randomly searching up something on Wikipedia, or actually reading a schoolbook or similar. I think this is part of the reason why, several years ago now, when I was supposed to be studying privately and pass the basic "college" subjects without actually going to school, I basically just screwed the whole thing. I don't remember anymore what subjects those were, as I never even got to do most of the exams, because the school screwed up and sent the info to the wrong address. The only one I did was English, on which I got a 4/6. Based on my grasp of the English language, the sensor said I should've gotten a 5, but based on my knowledge of American history (which was the subject for that year, for some reason, I never understood what history and stuff like that has to do with a language subject) I was supposed to fail, as I hadn't studied it at all. So I got a 4.

Whenever people say that I'm smart and should sit down and study and fulfill my potential and whatever, I act like I'm flattered, but really I'm just annoyed and frustrated. 'Cause I know that it's true; If I really do sit down and study something that I find interesting, I loose myself in reading it, and I can often understand it rather easily. But I also know that most of the stuff that I have to study to get any kind of education will be boring as hell, and then my mind will start to drift, I'll get annoyed because I have to read stuff over and over because I didn't pay attention the first eighteen times, and eventually I'll just give up and throw the book out the window. I just don't have the focus needed to do something like that. I wish I did, but I don't. Damnit, there's even been times where I've drifted away because I find my own writing too boring.

Conclusion

So... Yeah. This is part of the reason why I don't read that much. Again, I wish I didn't have this problem, 'cause I'd love to be able to study, experience and learn through reading. I mean, I still do that, but... I'd like to do in a larger scale, so to speak. But this just happens. Even when I try to focus on focusing, my mind drifts away thinking about focusing, and I again don't learn anything.


TL;DR: TL;DR.


And some questions in the hope of getting some response:
How do you experience reading something that you find boring or uninteresting?
Have you ever given up on studying something/reading a book?