: The past two weeks + Christmas

The past two weeks have been quite interesting, actually.

Last Monday: I finally got my fiber-connection! I was up at midnight because I was watching NASL4 (Starcraft II), and I was a bit distracted by that so I forgot to check exactly at midnight as I had planned (just for fun). But at about 1pm I started hooking stuff up, and, after a bit of messing around with something that didn't quite get set up right because I misunderstood it, it actually worked. Of course, the first thing I did was put it to the test, and started a bunch of downloads while still watching the NASL4 stream. I think my download speed in total was about 3MB/s, and the stream was still going with no interruptions. The stream was only in 480p, because I wasn't subscribed, but still. It's fucking awesome! =D

Saturday: The rest of the week wasn't very eventful, just me enjoying the fast connection, then on Saturday was Yrjan's 30th birthday party. The day was pretty awesome over all. We started off at Peppes, as suggested by Hallgeir. I think there were 15 of us in total there. Hallgeir, Shawna, Rune, Terje and me at one end of the table, and Yrjan's family at the other end, with Yrjan and Tonje in the middle. Hallgeir, Rune and me did our usual thing, of course. While everyone else just ordered something simple from the menu, we did our usual "Über Complicated Order Process (TM)", creating our own monster-pizzas. The guy who took our order was actually laughing at the end because of how ridiculous it was. =P

After Peppes we went directly up to Huset, to where the party was gonna be. There was still quite some time left before the party was actually supposed to start when we got there, but we passed the time by playing with balloons. Yay! The party itself was actually quite fun. As probably everyone who knows me even remotely know, I'm not a party person. I don't drink, and I don't like drunk people. I don't dance, and I don't really "let go". But I still had a lot of fun just being with people, and enjoying the music. That's pretty much all I really did all night. The party was cut a bit short, though, which unfortunately meant that Yrjan's Hardcore-medley wasn't played. Oh well. He made it available to us the next day, so at least we can listen to it anyway.

Part of the reason why it was cut short was because one of us got way too drunk. Not the kind of way too drunk that he started causing trouble, fortunately. But it was still pretty bad. I think the security-guy threw him out, but I'm not sure. Whatever the case, he started walking around aimlessly, and  ended up being picked up by the police who escorted him back to Huset and told us that he was not capable of taking care of himself. So we decided that, even though there was technically still an hour and half left of the party, it was best to take him back home. And as everything had sort of died down, I guess partially because everyone was worried about this guy, Yrjan decided there was no point in keeping the party going.

The ride home was weird. This guy was so out of it he couldn't really sit up, so I sat behind him and held him up most of the way, so he wouldn't lean on Rune who was driving. Then when we got back to Dokka we ended up sitting with him for, I think, about an hour, to make sure he was okay. When I talked to him a couple of days later he couldn't really remember anything that had happened. Weird.

And yes, I have intentionally avoided mentioning his name. 

Sunday: Saturday was also my grandmother's 70th birthday, but she had decided to celebrate it on Sunday. There's really not too much to say about this day, really, but I did spend most of it at their place, with them, my aunt's family and my uncle's family. It was a pretty good day. =)

As you might know, if you've read my previous entry, it didn't end so good. After I got home I had a sort of breakdown, and ended up writing that thing. Part of me wants to go delete it, but... I don't know. I get like that some times, and this time I was able to get it out. In a way. So, yeah. I think I'm gonna keep it there. I just want to say, though, that I don't feel like that all of the time. I feel lonely most of the time, but not that... Extreme.

Monday: When I left the house on Monday, I had planned to only be away for a couple of hours. That didn't really happen. I started off going to an appointment I had with a kind of personal trainer type lady. I had been there once before, but all we did then was talk about my situation, my condition, and my illnesses. This time we went over different exercises, setting up a program for me, one that I can do at home, or just about anywhere. Most of the exercises are ones I've tried before, but with her instructions I discovered that I had done almost all of them wrong in one way or the other. They all felt so much better doing them how she told me. The only exercise I had done right is one that I feel it's difficult to do wrong; Push-ups. She was actually impressed by how good I did them, so hey.

When I was done, I went to my grandparents. Their fiber-connection was getting activated that day, and I had to set everything up for them. I figured that because I had already set up my own only a week earlier, I could do this pretty quickly. But... It wasn't that simple. I set everything up the exact same way I had done here, without doing the same mistakes I did here, and everything appeared to be working... Except it didn't. I went over everything several times, and couldn't find a single fault in how it was set up. So I had to call Telenor's fiber-support. Turns out the problem was on their end. I'm not quite sure what was wrong, but the guy did something and suddenly everything worked. So, yay for that, or something.

Not too long after that was fixed, Thor Idar called me. He lives next door to my grandparents, and he couldn't get his fiber-connection up and running either. So I went over there, looked over what he had done and fixed what he had done wrong (in his defense, they had gotten the fiber-modem a lot earlier than everyone else, because their old one was broken, and he couldn't find the manual for it). And of course, it still didn't work. So he had to call Telenor as well. I'm convinced the error was the same as at my grandparents, but the guy Thor was talking to couldn't figure it out, even though I explained what the guy I talked to had said (something about reactivating the connection). So the call ended without anything being fixed, he just said that they'd "look into it". A while later he got a call back, and just as he picked up I looked over at the modem and all the right lights were lit. So, yay for that too.

I stayed at Thor's place for quite a while after that, until about 10pm I think. We watched some Starcraft2 streams and VoDs, and just talked about random stuff. Which is something that I don't think I've done with him before, come to think of it, not like that. Rune and I have days like that quite often, but I've never really had that close of a connection with Thor. I really don't know why, because he's a really great guy. =)

The rest of this week I haven't done much. I've mostly been sitting here at home. Monday night was a terrible night, for no good reason. I went to bed a couple of hours after I got back from Thor's place, so at about midnight. But about three and half hour later I woke up feeling like I hadn't really slept. And I could sort of remember going in and out of sleep all that time, kind of like when you have fever dreams. It was really weird. I couldn't fall asleep again either, so I got up and stayed up until about 10am, then I finally go a few hours of real sleep. But I was completely knocked out for the rest of the day when I got back up. Since then I haven't done much.

Plans for Christmas: First of all, I have decided that I'm not gonna bother with any weight loss stuff during Christmas. I'm gonna do what I can to stay where I am, and not go crazy on the candy and stuff like that, but I'm just gonna skip working out completely. I don't have the energy for that anyway. When Christmas and new years is over, then I'm gonna try to get back on it.

On Christmas Eve I'm gonna be at my grandparents. I can't remember the last time I was there on Christmas Eve, but it's been quite a few years. When my dad was still alive, we used to alternate between being at his place or moms place. Then after he passed away I've spent every Christmas Eve with mom. This year, however, mom has decided to run away from Christmas. Basically, she decided that Christmas Eve without any small children (everyone has other plans) was a bit too sad, so she and her boyfriend are in Gran Canaria right now. And I don't really blame her. I think I was the only one who would've been with them if they've stayed here, so... Yeah. I wasn't looking too much forward to that either. At least there will be more people at my grandparents place, as my aunt's family will be there too.

Some time after Christmas Eve I will have a LAN. I haven't really set a date for it, because it wasn't really planned. Or... I had planned to throw a LAN, but then Marius and Veronica beat me to it. And I had originally planned to go to their LAN. The problem is, they live 15 minutes, by car, away from everything. And since I don't have a car of my own I can't get up there, or back down, own my own, nor do I have anyone I can trust to help me with it when I want or need it. I have nothing against neither them nor being at their place, but it makes me feel a bit trapped because it's so far away from everything. Hopefully I can change that before next year, but I'll talk about that a bit further down.

So, there will be one LAN down here at my place, and another LAN at their place. Not an optimal solution, but it'll have to do. The ones who are coming here are Rune, Yrjan and Thor Idar. Yrjan and Thor for the same reason as me, I think, as they're both still without a driver's license even though they're both very close, and Rune because... Well, it's not my place to say. Or something. So, yeah. There are room for more people here, so if anyone else wants to come just ask. =)

Next year: Back in September I was told that because of the type of financial support I'm getting, I can get back most, maybe all, of the "income tax" I pay off of it. So I sent a complaint to Skatteetaten back then, and last week I finally got a letter from them. It said that my complaint had gone through, and that I would get money back. It didn't say how much, though, so I'm not making any concrete plans yet. But if I get anywhere near what my dads cousin got, she was the one who told me about it, then I have decided to finally start working on my driver's license, for real. I did have a couple of lessons back in 2006, but I can barely remember any of it. Because I was still suffering rather severely from my sleeping disorder back then, I wasn't able to continue them. Also, my mom was paying for it back then, and her economy wasn't the greatest. 

For the longest time, I flat out didn't want to get a driver's license. The thought of getting behind the wheel of a car and be responsible for what happened scared the life out of me, and actually still do. But the past few years it's become more and more of a pain that I don't have it, and during the past year and a half it's been really frustrating on several occasions. But in my situation there hasn't been any opportunities to get started on it. There's no way to get financial support from the state, unless you're a single mother living in no-mans-land or possibly if you only need a little bot of help to get finished. I don't have any relatives who can afford paying it for me. And I have no means of saving up the money on my own when I am unable to have a normal job. The only way I could get that amount of money is by winning it. And... Yeah. That's not gonna happen.

Anyway. I still don't know how much I'll get, so I'll have to wait and see. And, referring to the statement above about hoping to "change that before next year", even if I do get enough, I don't know how long getting the license will take, particularly considering I have to start from scratch. So I don't know if I'll have a driver's license before next years New Years LAN. But I hope I will.

I do have a second plan with that money, if I get the amount I hope for. Before starting the driver's license I'm gonna get myself a new desktop computer. My laptop is ok, but it overheats like crazy, and my old desktop is a pile of junk. And I know what you're thinking; Wouldn't it be smart to finish the driver's license before wasting the money on other stuff? And you're probably right. But. If I get that amount of money, then I'll surely get about the same amount again when it's time for the next tax return, because I've had the same type of financial support. And now that I know about it, I can hopefully fix it in time, and not have to send a complaint several months later to get it fixed.

So yeah. That's one thing next year hopefully will bring. But I still have to wait and see exactly how much I do get, so... Yeah.


Aaaand... That's the end of this way too long blog post. Now I gotta go sleep. 

: Status Meh.

Two months minus nine days. That's how long it's been since my last update. I just really haven't felt like writing anything. Or rather, I have, but I haven't felt like writing about what I've had to write about. Not that there's really been much to write about anyway. So I figured I'd just write a small update on what's been going on. So, let's see...

Well, first of all, that whole thing with Lisa, that never really was anything, is now definitely nothing. Long story short; I screwed up again. I think. I really don't know, to be honest. I think maybe I did what I usually do, and pushed too hard, got too intense about it. And that's... Bad. The whole thing went back and forth a lot, particularly the last couple of months, and in the end she said it was better to end it. Claiming that it would be better for me to find someone who had time for me. Which I guess is true. But probably not the whole story. So yeah, she's gone from my life. And there's no one else at the moment. Seriously, there's no one. And that is... Weird.

I did have some sort of "date" a while back, the day after my previous update actually, which I had a good feeling about when we parted. Unfortunately, she didn't see it the same way. I mean, she also thought the "date" went well, but she "friendzoned" me later that evening. I just didn't want to deal with that, so I just... Dropped her. The absolute last thing I need right now is to just be friends with yet another girl that I have a crush on. It was bad enough the last time.

So, yeah.

Um... What else has been happening that last couple of months? Not much, really. I've been talking to social services and my doctor about my sleep, and particularly how it affects my ability to function even with the almost normal sleep cycle I have now, and I had a meeting to discuss it with both at the same time but it was cancelled for some reason. Essentially, though, what the doctor said is that there are two more things we can try; Up the strength of the medication, and light therapy. Stronger meds might make the nights that I still can't fall asleep be even less frequent than they are now. It doesn't happen often, but I'm completely fucked up when it does. I'm not so sure about the light therapy, though. Normally, it would work. But as far as I've understood, I'm not affected by light and dark the same way normal people are. I don't get tired when the sun goes down. I don't wake up when the sun comes up. But, I'm gonna try. If we decide to. It all comes down to how expensive it is, really.

And, yeah... That's the most important things, I guess. A couple of minor thing;

• I've shaved my beard and cut my hair super-short. So now I don't look like an amish guy anymore. I look like a lesbian. Sort of. Although I have a five-day beard right now, so probably not so much.
• Fiber-connection is just around the corner, hopefully. I have all the stuff, I just need it to be activated. Which will happen on Monday, according to the letter I got. I don't believe it until it's actually up and running, though.
• My motivation to work out has been completely gone the last month. I blame the season. And my lack of a "focus", so to speak. But, I'm seeing a personal trainer of sorts next Monday, so... Yeah. Managed to keep my weight stable, though.
• I have a new toilet. The plumber was here to fix the old one, which we thought had a leak around the bottom. Turned out the leak was on the cistern-thing in the back, and it was both cheaper and easier to just switch out the whole thing than to try fixing it.

And that's an update on my life at the moment.

I need a girlfriend.

: Summer.

So far this summer I have done next to nothing. I've stayed at home for the last month, not wanting to really go anywhere, and not really having anywhere to go either. I've also been waiting for something, but this something keeps getting postponed, and although I know that it's no ones fault, it gives me the feeling of knocking my head against a wall. A very solid wall. On wheels. Or something. It keeps moving back, but it wont let me through.

Anyway.

Earlier today my mother called, and asked if I wanted to come visit them for a while, at Strømmen. She's heading in this direction tomorrow, and thought maybe she could pick me up before she went home. And as far as I know, absolutely nothing at all will happen around here this week, so I figured why the hell not. At the very least, it'll be a change from just sitting here alone, staring at the screen day in and day out (and occasionally working out). In addition to visiting my mother and her boyfriend, and my sister, I'll also be able to visit my brother, and possibly a couple of friends. So, that'll be good.

Speaking of working out, btw; Progress on the elliptical machine has been very fast. The first couple of times I used it, I felt like I was in a torture machine. I guess I just wasn't used to it yet. I couldn't go very fast, and certainly not for long (with exception of the second day, which I guess was some sort of energy-boost fluke?). It has gotten easier and easier, though, and I've certainly gotten more used to the way I have to move on it. The first times I used it, I felt like I was gonna fall over when I got off, no matter if it had been 5 or 15 minutes. Now I can go 25 minutes and still have my balance intact. But, I'm still only on the lowest resistance level, having attempted a couple of sessions on level 2 (and one very poor attempt at level 3). So I still have a long way to go. And as far as weight loss, which this machine is supposed to be very good for... Well, it did go down a bit. Then it went back up. So, who the fuck knows. At least my general physical condition is getting better, that's ultimately what matters. 

On a very different note; It has now been 7+ months since my ex and I broke up. I can't say that I don't miss her, we did spend more than a year together after all. And she was my first girlfriend. I'm not even gonna use the modifier "real" there, because there really was no one before her. But, I have accepted the fact that I won't get her back, and that she has moved on, quite a while ago. So, what has been bothering me more and more the last couple of months isn't so much that I miss being with her, but more that I miss being with someone. I miss all the things that being with someone I love brings. I miss being close to someone... It really is no fun going to bed every night and have nothing to hold but my duvet. I feel like I'm right back to where I was before I met my ex, except that now I know what I'm missing.

That pretty much sums it up, I guess.

I hope something good happens soon.

But for now, I'm going to my mother place, and will probably be staying there for a while. I have no idea how long. I really hope that I'll have something else to do next week, but that's not up to me. If not, I might just throw a LAN again when I get home. It's been more than month since the last one (which was awesome, btw), so it's about time. I might even invite some more people, but that means that all games that require a constant connection to the internet (like Diablo III) will be basically unplayable, due to my amazingly crappy connection. So, anyone want to come? =P

: Walk of Life

Been quite a while since my last update now. No wonder, as there haven't been a lot going on lately. Mostly just waiting for a couple of things to happen that never happens.

I'm still waiting for the help I was gonna get with properly cleaning my apartment. Apparently, the people they had found to help me are working under the table, or whatever the expression is. Basically they don't pay taxes. And as a governmental department, NAV can't exactly support that. So I don't know what is going on there. Hopefully they figure something out soon. I've come to a point that I'm really just maintaining what I have already done. There's very little actual progress going on here.

The other major thing I'm waiting for is... Private. I just hope it happens soon. =)

As for my working out, I've tried out a few new exercises that I think works fairly well. I've also gotten an elliptical trainer, and that thing is really rough. I've tried using one of those before, but I had forgotten just how hard it is. Tried using it for the first time yesterday, and I could barely do 3x4 minutes. Actually, I couldn't, the second attempt was only 3,5 minutes. They say it's one of the best machines to use for fat-burning, though, so I hope that's true.

I was at the nutritional adviser again today, for my monthly diabetes check-up, and she wasn't very pleased with my sugar levels. She talked to my actual doctor for a few minutes, and they concluded that I should increase my diabetes medication dosage drastically. Up until now I've only taken one in the morning and one before bed. Now I have to take two in the morning, two mid-day, and two before bed. That's three times as much as before. Apparently this will also help with my weight-loss, so... Yeah. I'm crossing my fingers for that. For the next two weeks, though, I'll have to keep a very close eye on my sugar levels, in case it goes too low.

Oh, and the fiber-connection will take longer than expected. Apparently, there's a specific area that will get it first, and I'm just outside that area. They've been around setting up posts in front of all the houses that will get it now, I see them everywhere, but not one in the part of the street that I'm on. I got a letter from Telenor as well, saying that I won't get it until January. So, yeah. Bah. I guess this means that when I have LANs with more than four people, any games that require being connected to the internet will be absolutely lowest priority.

The title this time is from Dire Straits' "Walk of Life".

: Live is Life?

Finally had a LAN again this weekend. Not a big LAN, there were only three of us, but it was still fun. Unsurprisingly, we only played Diablo III (do not click that link if you don't want to diminish your enjoyment of the game). But, my fears for any upcoming LANs were confirmed; My connection is so bad that it's almost impossible to play Diablo III while anyone else is using the internet in any other way. Basically, what that means, is that for the time being, even when my apartment have been properly cleaned (which apparently wont happen until sometime in July), I wont have any bigger LANs. Unless those attending play games that doesn't require being online, of course. But there's fewer and fewer of those coming out, so... Eh. I want Torchlight II.

My connection will hopefully be fixed sometime during the next six months. A guy from Telenor went around the neighborhood a couple of weeks ago, getting people to sign up for fiber-optic connections, saying that if 80% of the neighborhood signed up they'd begin digging and building the new infrastructure for the fiber-optic during the summer and finish in about six months. From what I heard there was only one household that didn't sign a contract. I've no idea what will actually happen when, though, so... Yeah. It'll happen when it happens. I'm really looking forward to when it does happen, I'm so sick and tired of this crappy connection.

There hasn't been much else going on the last week. I can't even really remember much of last week, but that's probably because I spent most of it either in Sanctuary, or working out. Speaking of working out, on Wednesday I went for a walk again and walked for a mile. That is a metric mile, 10 kilometers. It wasn't the best idea I've ever had considering the heat that day, and the fact that the soles on my shoes were almost completely worn out. I still have a blister under my foot. The next day I heard that a newly opened sports store had major discounts on walking/running shoes, so now I got a new pair. Can't wait to try them out, they feel a lot better than the old ones, which I'm pretty sure were only made for inside sports.

Today's title is from the song "Live is Life" by Opus. Still looking for more songtitles with the word "life".