It's probably about time I wrote another post. It's been two months since my last one. I just haven't really thought about the blog much lately. I've been sort of distracted by things actually happening to really think about writing about it. Which I guess is good, sort of? Although it figures that as soon as I have something to write about, I forget to write about it. =P
Well, first of all; A little over a month ago, I finally met Lisa. If you've followed my blog last year, you probably know sort of who she is as I've mentioned her a couple of times. I spent most of last year trying to get to meet her, but it never happened. There was always something that got in the way, and after a while things got a bit, well... Weird. And in November we sort of went our separate ways. A couple of months passed and on Valentine's Day I decided to send her a message. To be honest I wasn't really expecting her to answer but she did, and a couple of weeks after that we met. And, well... Whatever weirdness we had before was gone. And... It was just great. We had a really nice time with each other, and she's been visiting me a few times after that. And... Yeah. Things are good. And I'm really happy. =)
Second; I've got a kitten. Chihiro surprised me one day by being very affectionate all of a sudden. That's not like her at all, as she's a very shy and nervous cat, and rarely approaches me for anything. I knew what that meant, though, so I fixed a place for her where she could give birth. And the next morning there were kittens. I've kept one, in the hope that she will turn out less nervous and shy than Chihiro. At first it seemed it would work out... But now I'm not so sure. I don't know what it is, if it's because she's "mimicking" her mother or something, but the last couple of days she's become more cautious and nervous and keeps running away and hiding when I get close to her. I hope it doesn't stay that way, I really don't want to have two cats that are like that... =(
Third; I've sorted most of the comic collection after my uncle, and sold off quite a bit of it. The geek in me doesn't really want to sell it, but... There are two reasons why I've decided to do it anyway. The first reason is pretty simple; I don't have room for all of it. I have room for some of it, and there are some that I'm gonna keep, but I can't keep all of it. The second reason is... Well, there are a lot of gaps in the collection. Some might be because my uncle just didn't buy some of the magazines, but a lot of them are because the magazines have been ruined one way or the other. They haven't exactly been stored properly since he died. And since I don't have the resources to fill those gaps, I'd rather sell what I have to others who might need to fill theirs. And then there are some comics that I just aren't interested in. I guess that's a third reason. =P
And... Hm. That's about it for major stuff, I think? I still haven't started taking driving lessons. I keep putting it off for some reason. I guess I'm a bit nervous. Driving has always scared me, so I guess it's not a surprise. I really should get started with it soon, though. I don't really have an excuse anymore, as my economy is as stable as it can be and the roads are clear. So... Yeah.
I've sort of started being more active again. I've been walking a bit more lately, although still not anywhere as much as I used to before the winter came. I haven't really been recording it either. But I've been failing rather hard lately when it comes to what and how often I eat and all that stuff. I don't know why. I need to get a grip on that again. And I will. Because damnit, I'm not gonna fall back into my old life. That's just not gonna happen.
Saturday, April 13, 2013
Tuesday, February 12, 2013
: Rearranging the LAN-space.
I had a LAN this weekend, for a couple of friends of mine, Terje and Rune, that had their birthdays during the last week. Well, that's the excuse we used anyway, not that we really need one to have a LAN, but hey. Not gonna say much about it, except that it was awesome as always. If you need proof, here's a video from this weekend, created by Yrjan. Enjoy.
After everyone had left on Sunday, another friend of mine, Thor, who unfortunately wasn't able to attend the LAN, stopped by with a present for me; A TV. I spent the rest of the evening wondering how to put it in a spot where it would actually be useful, and not just a huge paperweight. Long story short; I failed. At about 1:30am I decided that the best way to make it useful was to rearrange my living room. So I did. The next 3-4 hours I spent moving stuff around and setting my computer and network equipment back up. I guess that in total, there's not that much difference here. It's really just the two "back corners" that have switched places. Everything close to the exit is in the exact same place as it was, and the table and couches in the middle hasn't really moved either. It makes a huge difference, though. And I got a very nice position for the TV.
.JPG) |
| TV placed in a spot where everyone can see it! |
.JPG) |
| Not much difference, except that it's "backwards". |
The network equipment is also in a better place compared to where people will be sitting, I think. I am the one who'll always be farthest away from it, and I'm already hooked up and my cables have been taped down. So, no more need for insanely long cables. I've also added more extension cables that I had laying around (I've no idea where I've gotten all of them from), so it's easier for people to set up right away when they get here. At the moment the other corner-desk (which you can't see in these pictures) is a bit buried under stuff again, but I'll clear that out before the next LAN.
Friday, February 1, 2013
: Bursts and breaks. And YouTube.
About two weeks ago I had a sudden burst of energy. I was done dealing with my wisdom tooth, my new computer was finally up and running, I had began doing something I'd been wanting to do for a very long time, making gaming videos, and I just generally felt re-energized. Then about a week ago I had a break caused by something completely unrelated to anything that I was doing at the time, and something that I didn't think I'd have to worry about for quite a while; Money. I'm not gonna go into details about it, but in short; Due to an error in communication somewhere, the type of financial aid I'm supposed to get was stopped in the middle of December, and since then I have only gotten some temporary aid from NAV that is barely a third of what I should have gotten. This was not related to my tax return, it was pure coincidence that it happened at almost the same time.
I haven't really suffered much directly from it, because of my tax return and the temporary aid from NAV, but this was not supposed to happen, it shouldn't have happened, and it feels like, in the long term, an opportunity to make some progress in my life (in this case, getting a driver's license) has been pushed back. Back when this happened I was told it was just a minor error and should be fixed pretty quickly. But the longer it's been, the more it has chipped away at my driver's license money, and it's been significantly reduced at this point. I definitely do not have enough to finish it at this point. Of course there's still the hope that I'll get a similar tax return again. But that is not a guaranteed thing, and I had really hoped to get as much as possible done on what I had.
It wasn't until today that I found out what had happened, and I was assured that my financial aid would be resumed as soon as possible, maybe as soon as after the weekend, but I have no idea if I'll get back any of the money I've lost during the last month and a half. I was also told today that this won't happen again, that when my financial aid is resumed there are only two things that can take it away again; Either getting a job, or getting on disability. Until either of those things happen (or I win the lottery and become a millionaire, I guess) I shouldn't have to worry about this anymore. I hope that's true. I am so tired of money problems, particularly when it's due to someone else's error. I envy people who are able to work and have jobs that keep them independent. Well, as independent as you can be, at least.
Well, enough about that.
As I mentioned earlier, I have been making and uploading some gaming videos over on my YouTube channel. I'm still learning how to best do this, and I have no prior experience talking into a microphone when there's no one on the other end while I'm playing games, so the quality of my commentary isn't that good yet. But I hope to keep doing it and make something of it down the road. When I had my "burst of energy" I made a lot of videos in a few days, and I uploaded at least one video a day for a week. So head on over to my channel if you want to check that out. There will be more soon, but at the moment I still don't feel too good, and I'm finally playing through Skyrim for the first time, which is not the kind of game I want to record.
I haven't really suffered much directly from it, because of my tax return and the temporary aid from NAV, but this was not supposed to happen, it shouldn't have happened, and it feels like, in the long term, an opportunity to make some progress in my life (in this case, getting a driver's license) has been pushed back. Back when this happened I was told it was just a minor error and should be fixed pretty quickly. But the longer it's been, the more it has chipped away at my driver's license money, and it's been significantly reduced at this point. I definitely do not have enough to finish it at this point. Of course there's still the hope that I'll get a similar tax return again. But that is not a guaranteed thing, and I had really hoped to get as much as possible done on what I had.
It wasn't until today that I found out what had happened, and I was assured that my financial aid would be resumed as soon as possible, maybe as soon as after the weekend, but I have no idea if I'll get back any of the money I've lost during the last month and a half. I was also told today that this won't happen again, that when my financial aid is resumed there are only two things that can take it away again; Either getting a job, or getting on disability. Until either of those things happen (or I win the lottery and become a millionaire, I guess) I shouldn't have to worry about this anymore. I hope that's true. I am so tired of money problems, particularly when it's due to someone else's error. I envy people who are able to work and have jobs that keep them independent. Well, as independent as you can be, at least.
Well, enough about that.
As I mentioned earlier, I have been making and uploading some gaming videos over on my YouTube channel. I'm still learning how to best do this, and I have no prior experience talking into a microphone when there's no one on the other end while I'm playing games, so the quality of my commentary isn't that good yet. But I hope to keep doing it and make something of it down the road. When I had my "burst of energy" I made a lot of videos in a few days, and I uploaded at least one video a day for a week. So head on over to my channel if you want to check that out. There will be more soon, but at the moment I still don't feel too good, and I'm finally playing through Skyrim for the first time, which is not the kind of game I want to record.
Tuesday, January 8, 2013
: 2012 - Looking Back | 2013 - Looking Forward
Looking Back
A couple of months later I started talking seriously with another girl, and spent the next 6+ months trying to make something happen there. 6+ months of disappointment and bad choices. No matter what I tried, something always came in the way, and a couple of months ago she decided that it wasn't really worth it. Or, as she said, it would be better for me to find someone who had time for me. Which I guess is true.
I'm still looking.
In February we went down to the Netherlands to celebrate Ronald's birthday and Aldert's marriage anniversary. And in September, a bunch of them came to Norway to visit us in Hemsedal. Fun times, both times. I feel like every time I spend time with them I get a slightly better grasp of the Dutch language, at least I understand it a bit better. I'm still far off from being able to speak it, and I just can't learn it on my own. There has been some talk about me going down there for a while, to stay there for a few weeks and learn the language that way, but it's not really a top priority for anyone at the moment, unfortunately.
In April, I think it was, I had a big "falling out" (the problem was mostly on my part, really) with someone I'd had a very close relationship with for a long time, someone that I think knows me better than most people do, and I had to do something else that I never really wanted to do; Remove someone completely from my life. However, when someone has been such a big part of your life (without actually being a part of my life), it's hard to really forget about them. And I've often caught myself thinking about her. I've recently started talking to her a bit again, but due to our complicated past, I feel like I can't let her back into my life in the same way as before.
I've lost quite a lot of weight this year. Although, considering it's been an entire year, it's not really that much. And I still have a long way to go. But whatever. My weight has for the most part slowly but steadily gone down. And particularly after I got the elliptical trainer. I'm not really sure what my weight was a year ago, 'cause I didn't have a scale back then, but I think it was about 135kg. I'm now down to about 122kg. So about 13kg in a year, that's not too bad. Unfortunately, the last couple of months have been absolutely horrible for my motivation and energy, so I haven't really worked out at all. I probably could've been below 120 by now. Oh well.
After I broke up with my ex I decided I wasn't gonna go back to my old self, I wasn't gonna become a shut-in again like I was before. I don't really remember anymore what my plan actually was, but the point of it was to get out more and spend more time with friends. I'm sorry to say that I haven't really followed up on that. I don't really know why. It just never happened. I guess part of it is because I don't have any way of getting around on my own. And I've never really been the kind of guy that goes anywhere without there being a special occasion anyway... So, yeah. I want to change that, I just don't know how.
On major thing that has changed since this time last year, is my apartment A year ago it was filled with all kinds of stuff and trash, it was a complete chaos. In a way there's still a bit to do, but compared to back then it's infinitely better. Unfortunately it seems I won't get that help cleaning my apartment properly that I was promised for most of 2012. For some reason it was impossible for social services to dig up someone who could do it for me, which I find really odd. And I don't really know what has happened to the whole deal now. It would've been so nice to get this fixed, to have my apartment cleaned properly by someone who knows what they're doing, but... It seems it's not gonna happen.
And that's all the significant things I can remember about 2012 right now.
Looking Forward
I don't really have any plans for 2013. Well, except for one. I was lucky enough to get enough money to start working on my driver's license, so I'm gonna do that soon. Not sure when, but I'm gonna go down and talk to someone some day soon. I just want to get some other stuff sorted out first, if I can. Other than that, I don't really know what I want to do this year. I can't even think of anything significant that's relevant to me that'll happen this year. So... Yeah. But I guess having one plan is better than none. Everything else is just "business as usual"; Keeping up with the changed lifestyle and getting back to working out. Hopefully lose another 12kg, or more.
Right now, though, I'm not gonna do anything. Yesterday I had my last wisdom tooth pulled, and area around was seriously infected, so it still hurts quite a bit. It was also really stuck in there, so the dentist had to really use his might to get it out, which means it's also really sore. Painkillers work, fortunately, and it's a lot more manageable than before it was pulled, but it still wears me out pretty fast. Eating and drinking is a bit awkward too, as I want to disturb the healing as little as possible. So for now I'm gonna care about nothing, and probably go sleep a bit.
See ya.
Saturday, December 22, 2012
: The past two weeks + Christmas
The past two weeks have been quite interesting, actually.
Last Monday: I finally got my fiber-connection! I was up at midnight because I was watching NASL4 (Starcraft II), and I was a bit distracted by that so I forgot to check exactly at midnight as I had planned (just for fun). But at about 1pm I started hooking stuff up, and, after a bit of messing around with something that didn't quite get set up right because I misunderstood it, it actually worked. Of course, the first thing I did was put it to the test, and started a bunch of downloads while still watching the NASL4 stream. I think my download speed in total was about 3MB/s, and the stream was still going with no interruptions. The stream was only in 480p, because I wasn't subscribed, but still. It's fucking awesome! =D
Saturday: The rest of the week wasn't very eventful, just me enjoying the fast connection, then on Saturday was Yrjan's 30th birthday party. The day was pretty awesome over all. We started off at Peppes, as suggested by Hallgeir. I think there were 15 of us in total there. Hallgeir, Shawna, Rune, Terje and me at one end of the table, and Yrjan's family at the other end, with Yrjan and Tonje in the middle. Hallgeir, Rune and me did our usual thing, of course. While everyone else just ordered something simple from the menu, we did our usual "Über Complicated Order Process (TM)", creating our own monster-pizzas. The guy who took our order was actually laughing at the end because of how ridiculous it was. =P
After Peppes we went directly up to Huset, to where the party was gonna be. There was still quite some time left before the party was actually supposed to start when we got there, but we passed the time by playing with balloons. Yay! The party itself was actually quite fun. As probably everyone who knows me even remotely know, I'm not a party person. I don't drink, and I don't like drunk people. I don't dance, and I don't really "let go". But I still had a lot of fun just being with people, and enjoying the music. That's pretty much all I really did all night. The party was cut a bit short, though, which unfortunately meant that Yrjan's Hardcore-medley wasn't played. Oh well. He made it available to us the next day, so at least we can listen to it anyway.
Part of the reason why it was cut short was because one of us got way too drunk. Not the kind of way too drunk that he started causing trouble, fortunately. But it was still pretty bad. I think the security-guy threw him out, but I'm not sure. Whatever the case, he started walking around aimlessly, and ended up being picked up by the police who escorted him back to Huset and told us that he was not capable of taking care of himself. So we decided that, even though there was technically still an hour and half left of the party, it was best to take him back home. And as everything had sort of died down, I guess partially because everyone was worried about this guy, Yrjan decided there was no point in keeping the party going.
The ride home was weird. This guy was so out of it he couldn't really sit up, so I sat behind him and held him up most of the way, so he wouldn't lean on Rune who was driving. Then when we got back to Dokka we ended up sitting with him for, I think, about an hour, to make sure he was okay. When I talked to him a couple of days later he couldn't really remember anything that had happened. Weird.
And yes, I have intentionally avoided mentioning his name.
Sunday: Saturday was also my grandmother's 70th birthday, but she had decided to celebrate it on Sunday. There's really not too much to say about this day, really, but I did spend most of it at their place, with them, my aunt's family and my uncle's family. It was a pretty good day. =)
As you might know, if you've read my previous entry, it didn't end so good. After I got home I had a sort of breakdown, and ended up writing that thing. Part of me wants to go delete it, but... I don't know. I get like that some times, and this time I was able to get it out. In a way. So, yeah. I think I'm gonna keep it there. I just want to say, though, that I don't feel like that all of the time. I feel lonely most of the time, but not that... Extreme.
Monday: When I left the house on Monday, I had planned to only be away for a couple of hours. That didn't really happen. I started off going to an appointment I had with a kind of personal trainer type lady. I had been there once before, but all we did then was talk about my situation, my condition, and my illnesses. This time we went over different exercises, setting up a program for me, one that I can do at home, or just about anywhere. Most of the exercises are ones I've tried before, but with her instructions I discovered that I had done almost all of them wrong in one way or the other. They all felt so much better doing them how she told me. The only exercise I had done right is one that I feel it's difficult to do wrong; Push-ups. She was actually impressed by how good I did them, so hey.
When I was done, I went to my grandparents. Their fiber-connection was getting activated that day, and I had to set everything up for them. I figured that because I had already set up my own only a week earlier, I could do this pretty quickly. But... It wasn't that simple. I set everything up the exact same way I had done here, without doing the same mistakes I did here, and everything appeared to be working... Except it didn't. I went over everything several times, and couldn't find a single fault in how it was set up. So I had to call Telenor's fiber-support. Turns out the problem was on their end. I'm not quite sure what was wrong, but the guy did something and suddenly everything worked. So, yay for that, or something.
Not too long after that was fixed, Thor Idar called me. He lives next door to my grandparents, and he couldn't get his fiber-connection up and running either. So I went over there, looked over what he had done and fixed what he had done wrong (in his defense, they had gotten the fiber-modem a lot earlier than everyone else, because their old one was broken, and he couldn't find the manual for it). And of course, it still didn't work. So he had to call Telenor as well. I'm convinced the error was the same as at my grandparents, but the guy Thor was talking to couldn't figure it out, even though I explained what the guy I talked to had said (something about reactivating the connection). So the call ended without anything being fixed, he just said that they'd "look into it". A while later he got a call back, and just as he picked up I looked over at the modem and all the right lights were lit. So, yay for that too.
I stayed at Thor's place for quite a while after that, until about 10pm I think. We watched some Starcraft2 streams and VoDs, and just talked about random stuff. Which is something that I don't think I've done with him before, come to think of it, not like that. Rune and I have days like that quite often, but I've never really had that close of a connection with Thor. I really don't know why, because he's a really great guy. =)
The rest of this week I haven't done much. I've mostly been sitting here at home. Monday night was a terrible night, for no good reason. I went to bed a couple of hours after I got back from Thor's place, so at about midnight. But about three and half hour later I woke up feeling like I hadn't really slept. And I could sort of remember going in and out of sleep all that time, kind of like when you have fever dreams. It was really weird. I couldn't fall asleep again either, so I got up and stayed up until about 10am, then I finally go a few hours of real sleep. But I was completely knocked out for the rest of the day when I got back up. Since then I haven't done much.
Plans for Christmas: First of all, I have decided that I'm not gonna bother with any weight loss stuff during Christmas. I'm gonna do what I can to stay where I am, and not go crazy on the candy and stuff like that, but I'm just gonna skip working out completely. I don't have the energy for that anyway. When Christmas and new years is over, then I'm gonna try to get back on it.
On Christmas Eve I'm gonna be at my grandparents. I can't remember the last time I was there on Christmas Eve, but it's been quite a few years. When my dad was still alive, we used to alternate between being at his place or moms place. Then after he passed away I've spent every Christmas Eve with mom. This year, however, mom has decided to run away from Christmas. Basically, she decided that Christmas Eve without any small children (everyone has other plans) was a bit too sad, so she and her boyfriend are in Gran Canaria right now. And I don't really blame her. I think I was the only one who would've been with them if they've stayed here, so... Yeah. I wasn't looking too much forward to that either. At least there will be more people at my grandparents place, as my aunt's family will be there too.
Some time after Christmas Eve I will have a LAN. I haven't really set a date for it, because it wasn't really planned. Or... I had planned to throw a LAN, but then Marius and Veronica beat me to it. And I had originally planned to go to their LAN. The problem is, they live 15 minutes, by car, away from everything. And since I don't have a car of my own I can't get up there, or back down, own my own, nor do I have anyone I can trust to help me with it when I want or need it. I have nothing against neither them nor being at their place, but it makes me feel a bit trapped because it's so far away from everything. Hopefully I can change that before next year, but I'll talk about that a bit further down.
So, there will be one LAN down here at my place, and another LAN at their place. Not an optimal solution, but it'll have to do. The ones who are coming here are Rune, Yrjan and Thor Idar. Yrjan and Thor for the same reason as me, I think, as they're both still without a driver's license even though they're both very close, and Rune because... Well, it's not my place to say. Or something. So, yeah. There are room for more people here, so if anyone else wants to come just ask. =)
Next year: Back in September I was told that because of the type of financial support I'm getting, I can get back most, maybe all, of the "income tax" I pay off of it. So I sent a complaint to Skatteetaten back then, and last week I finally got a letter from them. It said that my complaint had gone through, and that I would get money back. It didn't say how much, though, so I'm not making any concrete plans yet. But if I get anywhere near what my dads cousin got, she was the one who told me about it, then I have decided to finally start working on my driver's license, for real. I did have a couple of lessons back in 2006, but I can barely remember any of it. Because I was still suffering rather severely from my sleeping disorder back then, I wasn't able to continue them. Also, my mom was paying for it back then, and her economy wasn't the greatest.
For the longest time, I flat out didn't want to get a driver's license. The thought of getting behind the wheel of a car and be responsible for what happened scared the life out of me, and actually still do. But the past few years it's become more and more of a pain that I don't have it, and during the past year and a half it's been really frustrating on several occasions. But in my situation there hasn't been any opportunities to get started on it. There's no way to get financial support from the state, unless you're a single mother living in no-mans-land or possibly if you only need a little bot of help to get finished. I don't have any relatives who can afford paying it for me. And I have no means of saving up the money on my own when I am unable to have a normal job. The only way I could get that amount of money is by winning it. And... Yeah. That's not gonna happen.
Anyway. I still don't know how much I'll get, so I'll have to wait and see. And, referring to the statement above about hoping to "change that before next year", even if I do get enough, I don't know how long getting the license will take, particularly considering I have to start from scratch. So I don't know if I'll have a driver's license before next years New Years LAN. But I hope I will.
I do have a second plan with that money, if I get the amount I hope for. Before starting the driver's license I'm gonna get myself a new desktop computer. My laptop is ok, but it overheats like crazy, and my old desktop is a pile of junk. And I know what you're thinking; Wouldn't it be smart to finish the driver's license before wasting the money on other stuff? And you're probably right. But. If I get that amount of money, then I'll surely get about the same amount again when it's time for the next tax return, because I've had the same type of financial support. And now that I know about it, I can hopefully fix it in time, and not have to send a complaint several months later to get it fixed.
So yeah. That's one thing next year hopefully will bring. But I still have to wait and see exactly how much I do get, so... Yeah.
Aaaand... That's the end of this way too long blog post. Now I gotta go sleep.
Last Monday: I finally got my fiber-connection! I was up at midnight because I was watching NASL4 (Starcraft II), and I was a bit distracted by that so I forgot to check exactly at midnight as I had planned (just for fun). But at about 1pm I started hooking stuff up, and, after a bit of messing around with something that didn't quite get set up right because I misunderstood it, it actually worked. Of course, the first thing I did was put it to the test, and started a bunch of downloads while still watching the NASL4 stream. I think my download speed in total was about 3MB/s, and the stream was still going with no interruptions. The stream was only in 480p, because I wasn't subscribed, but still. It's fucking awesome! =D
Saturday: The rest of the week wasn't very eventful, just me enjoying the fast connection, then on Saturday was Yrjan's 30th birthday party. The day was pretty awesome over all. We started off at Peppes, as suggested by Hallgeir. I think there were 15 of us in total there. Hallgeir, Shawna, Rune, Terje and me at one end of the table, and Yrjan's family at the other end, with Yrjan and Tonje in the middle. Hallgeir, Rune and me did our usual thing, of course. While everyone else just ordered something simple from the menu, we did our usual "Über Complicated Order Process (TM)", creating our own monster-pizzas. The guy who took our order was actually laughing at the end because of how ridiculous it was. =P
After Peppes we went directly up to Huset, to where the party was gonna be. There was still quite some time left before the party was actually supposed to start when we got there, but we passed the time by playing with balloons. Yay! The party itself was actually quite fun. As probably everyone who knows me even remotely know, I'm not a party person. I don't drink, and I don't like drunk people. I don't dance, and I don't really "let go". But I still had a lot of fun just being with people, and enjoying the music. That's pretty much all I really did all night. The party was cut a bit short, though, which unfortunately meant that Yrjan's Hardcore-medley wasn't played. Oh well. He made it available to us the next day, so at least we can listen to it anyway.
Part of the reason why it was cut short was because one of us got way too drunk. Not the kind of way too drunk that he started causing trouble, fortunately. But it was still pretty bad. I think the security-guy threw him out, but I'm not sure. Whatever the case, he started walking around aimlessly, and ended up being picked up by the police who escorted him back to Huset and told us that he was not capable of taking care of himself. So we decided that, even though there was technically still an hour and half left of the party, it was best to take him back home. And as everything had sort of died down, I guess partially because everyone was worried about this guy, Yrjan decided there was no point in keeping the party going.
The ride home was weird. This guy was so out of it he couldn't really sit up, so I sat behind him and held him up most of the way, so he wouldn't lean on Rune who was driving. Then when we got back to Dokka we ended up sitting with him for, I think, about an hour, to make sure he was okay. When I talked to him a couple of days later he couldn't really remember anything that had happened. Weird.
And yes, I have intentionally avoided mentioning his name.
Sunday: Saturday was also my grandmother's 70th birthday, but she had decided to celebrate it on Sunday. There's really not too much to say about this day, really, but I did spend most of it at their place, with them, my aunt's family and my uncle's family. It was a pretty good day. =)
As you might know, if you've read my previous entry, it didn't end so good. After I got home I had a sort of breakdown, and ended up writing that thing. Part of me wants to go delete it, but... I don't know. I get like that some times, and this time I was able to get it out. In a way. So, yeah. I think I'm gonna keep it there. I just want to say, though, that I don't feel like that all of the time. I feel lonely most of the time, but not that... Extreme.
Monday: When I left the house on Monday, I had planned to only be away for a couple of hours. That didn't really happen. I started off going to an appointment I had with a kind of personal trainer type lady. I had been there once before, but all we did then was talk about my situation, my condition, and my illnesses. This time we went over different exercises, setting up a program for me, one that I can do at home, or just about anywhere. Most of the exercises are ones I've tried before, but with her instructions I discovered that I had done almost all of them wrong in one way or the other. They all felt so much better doing them how she told me. The only exercise I had done right is one that I feel it's difficult to do wrong; Push-ups. She was actually impressed by how good I did them, so hey.
When I was done, I went to my grandparents. Their fiber-connection was getting activated that day, and I had to set everything up for them. I figured that because I had already set up my own only a week earlier, I could do this pretty quickly. But... It wasn't that simple. I set everything up the exact same way I had done here, without doing the same mistakes I did here, and everything appeared to be working... Except it didn't. I went over everything several times, and couldn't find a single fault in how it was set up. So I had to call Telenor's fiber-support. Turns out the problem was on their end. I'm not quite sure what was wrong, but the guy did something and suddenly everything worked. So, yay for that, or something.
Not too long after that was fixed, Thor Idar called me. He lives next door to my grandparents, and he couldn't get his fiber-connection up and running either. So I went over there, looked over what he had done and fixed what he had done wrong (in his defense, they had gotten the fiber-modem a lot earlier than everyone else, because their old one was broken, and he couldn't find the manual for it). And of course, it still didn't work. So he had to call Telenor as well. I'm convinced the error was the same as at my grandparents, but the guy Thor was talking to couldn't figure it out, even though I explained what the guy I talked to had said (something about reactivating the connection). So the call ended without anything being fixed, he just said that they'd "look into it". A while later he got a call back, and just as he picked up I looked over at the modem and all the right lights were lit. So, yay for that too.
I stayed at Thor's place for quite a while after that, until about 10pm I think. We watched some Starcraft2 streams and VoDs, and just talked about random stuff. Which is something that I don't think I've done with him before, come to think of it, not like that. Rune and I have days like that quite often, but I've never really had that close of a connection with Thor. I really don't know why, because he's a really great guy. =)
The rest of this week I haven't done much. I've mostly been sitting here at home. Monday night was a terrible night, for no good reason. I went to bed a couple of hours after I got back from Thor's place, so at about midnight. But about three and half hour later I woke up feeling like I hadn't really slept. And I could sort of remember going in and out of sleep all that time, kind of like when you have fever dreams. It was really weird. I couldn't fall asleep again either, so I got up and stayed up until about 10am, then I finally go a few hours of real sleep. But I was completely knocked out for the rest of the day when I got back up. Since then I haven't done much.
Plans for Christmas: First of all, I have decided that I'm not gonna bother with any weight loss stuff during Christmas. I'm gonna do what I can to stay where I am, and not go crazy on the candy and stuff like that, but I'm just gonna skip working out completely. I don't have the energy for that anyway. When Christmas and new years is over, then I'm gonna try to get back on it.
On Christmas Eve I'm gonna be at my grandparents. I can't remember the last time I was there on Christmas Eve, but it's been quite a few years. When my dad was still alive, we used to alternate between being at his place or moms place. Then after he passed away I've spent every Christmas Eve with mom. This year, however, mom has decided to run away from Christmas. Basically, she decided that Christmas Eve without any small children (everyone has other plans) was a bit too sad, so she and her boyfriend are in Gran Canaria right now. And I don't really blame her. I think I was the only one who would've been with them if they've stayed here, so... Yeah. I wasn't looking too much forward to that either. At least there will be more people at my grandparents place, as my aunt's family will be there too.
Some time after Christmas Eve I will have a LAN. I haven't really set a date for it, because it wasn't really planned. Or... I had planned to throw a LAN, but then Marius and Veronica beat me to it. And I had originally planned to go to their LAN. The problem is, they live 15 minutes, by car, away from everything. And since I don't have a car of my own I can't get up there, or back down, own my own, nor do I have anyone I can trust to help me with it when I want or need it. I have nothing against neither them nor being at their place, but it makes me feel a bit trapped because it's so far away from everything. Hopefully I can change that before next year, but I'll talk about that a bit further down.
So, there will be one LAN down here at my place, and another LAN at their place. Not an optimal solution, but it'll have to do. The ones who are coming here are Rune, Yrjan and Thor Idar. Yrjan and Thor for the same reason as me, I think, as they're both still without a driver's license even though they're both very close, and Rune because... Well, it's not my place to say. Or something. So, yeah. There are room for more people here, so if anyone else wants to come just ask. =)
Next year: Back in September I was told that because of the type of financial support I'm getting, I can get back most, maybe all, of the "income tax" I pay off of it. So I sent a complaint to Skatteetaten back then, and last week I finally got a letter from them. It said that my complaint had gone through, and that I would get money back. It didn't say how much, though, so I'm not making any concrete plans yet. But if I get anywhere near what my dads cousin got, she was the one who told me about it, then I have decided to finally start working on my driver's license, for real. I did have a couple of lessons back in 2006, but I can barely remember any of it. Because I was still suffering rather severely from my sleeping disorder back then, I wasn't able to continue them. Also, my mom was paying for it back then, and her economy wasn't the greatest.
For the longest time, I flat out didn't want to get a driver's license. The thought of getting behind the wheel of a car and be responsible for what happened scared the life out of me, and actually still do. But the past few years it's become more and more of a pain that I don't have it, and during the past year and a half it's been really frustrating on several occasions. But in my situation there hasn't been any opportunities to get started on it. There's no way to get financial support from the state, unless you're a single mother living in no-mans-land or possibly if you only need a little bot of help to get finished. I don't have any relatives who can afford paying it for me. And I have no means of saving up the money on my own when I am unable to have a normal job. The only way I could get that amount of money is by winning it. And... Yeah. That's not gonna happen.
Anyway. I still don't know how much I'll get, so I'll have to wait and see. And, referring to the statement above about hoping to "change that before next year", even if I do get enough, I don't know how long getting the license will take, particularly considering I have to start from scratch. So I don't know if I'll have a driver's license before next years New Years LAN. But I hope I will.
I do have a second plan with that money, if I get the amount I hope for. Before starting the driver's license I'm gonna get myself a new desktop computer. My laptop is ok, but it overheats like crazy, and my old desktop is a pile of junk. And I know what you're thinking; Wouldn't it be smart to finish the driver's license before wasting the money on other stuff? And you're probably right. But. If I get that amount of money, then I'll surely get about the same amount again when it's time for the next tax return, because I've had the same type of financial support. And now that I know about it, I can hopefully fix it in time, and not have to send a complaint several months later to get it fixed.
So yeah. That's one thing next year hopefully will bring. But I still have to wait and see exactly how much I do get, so... Yeah.
Aaaand... That's the end of this way too long blog post. Now I gotta go sleep.
Sunday, December 16, 2012
: Lonely bastard.
I am at a loss for what to do. The way I am, the way I work, the things I do and don't do, makes it very difficult for me to meet someone. I don't go to places where it would be likely I'd meet new people, like parties, clubs, bars... And I honestly don't think I'd find someone I'd want in those kind of places anyway. I mean, I don't have anything against that stuff, but it just isn't for me. I'm not the type of guy that is able to go up to someone unknown and initiate a conversation either, particularly not if I find them attractive. Unless of course there's some sort of other purpose to why I'd initiate a conversation with them, and then I'd just get that over with and leave. I'm just very awkward in both of those kind of situations.
And then there's dating sites... They just don't work. At least not for me. I have neither the looks nor am I interesting enough for anyone to looks twice. These type of sites are very much based around first impressions, and I really don't make a good one. And then there's the fact that most of these sites, the allegedly good ones, cost money, which I don't have. And even if I did I wouldn't pay. Because... They don't work. For me.
So, yeah... I don't know what to do. I don't know where to go, how to start, what to say, how to act... I just don't know. It's frustrating. Some people say that I should just let it go, that it will happen when it happens. I don't believe that. At least not in my situation. Unless I find some way to make something happen, nothing will ever happen. But I don't know how to make something happen. I also can't let it go. Every freaking night when I go to bed, I lie awake for quite a while not being able to think about anything other than how much I miss having someone next to me. I just really want to have that back.
And that's how things are right now, for me. I'm a lonely bastard with a negative outlook on just about everything related to love. I want it, but I can't have it. And I don't know how to fix that. I guess I could ask for help, from someone, but I don't know who I should ask, or even what kind of help it is I want. So I guess the purpose of this post, other than to vent, is to... Ask for help. Whatever you can offer, from whoever believes they can offer some.
Help.
And then there's dating sites... They just don't work. At least not for me. I have neither the looks nor am I interesting enough for anyone to looks twice. These type of sites are very much based around first impressions, and I really don't make a good one. And then there's the fact that most of these sites, the allegedly good ones, cost money, which I don't have. And even if I did I wouldn't pay. Because... They don't work. For me.
So, yeah... I don't know what to do. I don't know where to go, how to start, what to say, how to act... I just don't know. It's frustrating. Some people say that I should just let it go, that it will happen when it happens. I don't believe that. At least not in my situation. Unless I find some way to make something happen, nothing will ever happen. But I don't know how to make something happen. I also can't let it go. Every freaking night when I go to bed, I lie awake for quite a while not being able to think about anything other than how much I miss having someone next to me. I just really want to have that back.
And that's how things are right now, for me. I'm a lonely bastard with a negative outlook on just about everything related to love. I want it, but I can't have it. And I don't know how to fix that. I guess I could ask for help, from someone, but I don't know who I should ask, or even what kind of help it is I want. So I guess the purpose of this post, other than to vent, is to... Ask for help. Whatever you can offer, from whoever believes they can offer some.
Help.
Thursday, December 6, 2012
: Status Meh.
Two months minus nine days. That's how long it's been since my last update. I just really haven't felt like writing anything. Or rather, I have, but I haven't felt like writing about what I've had to write about. Not that there's really been much to write about anyway. So I figured I'd just write a small update on what's been going on. So, let's see...
Well, first of all, that whole thing with Lisa, that never really was anything, is now definitely nothing. Long story short; I screwed up again. I think. I really don't know, to be honest. I think maybe I did what I usually do, and pushed too hard, got too intense about it. And that's... Bad. The whole thing went back and forth a lot, particularly the last couple of months, and in the end she said it was better to end it. Claiming that it would be better for me to find someone who had time for me. Which I guess is true. But probably not the whole story. So yeah, she's gone from my life. And there's no one else at the moment. Seriously, there's no one. And that is... Weird.
I did have some sort of "date" a while back, the day after my previous update actually, which I had a good feeling about when we parted. Unfortunately, she didn't see it the same way. I mean, she also thought the "date" went well, but she "friendzoned" me later that evening. I just didn't want to deal with that, so I just... Dropped her. The absolute last thing I need right now is to just be friends with yet another girl that I have a crush on. It was bad enough the last time.
So, yeah.
Um... What else has been happening that last couple of months? Not much, really. I've been talking to social services and my doctor about my sleep, and particularly how it affects my ability to function even with the almost normal sleep cycle I have now, and I had a meeting to discuss it with both at the same time but it was cancelled for some reason. Essentially, though, what the doctor said is that there are two more things we can try; Up the strength of the medication, and light therapy. Stronger meds might make the nights that I still can't fall asleep be even less frequent than they are now. It doesn't happen often, but I'm completely fucked up when it does. I'm not so sure about the light therapy, though. Normally, it would work. But as far as I've understood, I'm not affected by light and dark the same way normal people are. I don't get tired when the sun goes down. I don't wake up when the sun comes up. But, I'm gonna try. If we decide to. It all comes down to how expensive it is, really.
And, yeah... That's the most important things, I guess. A couple of minor thing;
Well, first of all, that whole thing with Lisa, that never really was anything, is now definitely nothing. Long story short; I screwed up again. I think. I really don't know, to be honest. I think maybe I did what I usually do, and pushed too hard, got too intense about it. And that's... Bad. The whole thing went back and forth a lot, particularly the last couple of months, and in the end she said it was better to end it. Claiming that it would be better for me to find someone who had time for me. Which I guess is true. But probably not the whole story. So yeah, she's gone from my life. And there's no one else at the moment. Seriously, there's no one. And that is... Weird.
I did have some sort of "date" a while back, the day after my previous update actually, which I had a good feeling about when we parted. Unfortunately, she didn't see it the same way. I mean, she also thought the "date" went well, but she "friendzoned" me later that evening. I just didn't want to deal with that, so I just... Dropped her. The absolute last thing I need right now is to just be friends with yet another girl that I have a crush on. It was bad enough the last time.
So, yeah.
Um... What else has been happening that last couple of months? Not much, really. I've been talking to social services and my doctor about my sleep, and particularly how it affects my ability to function even with the almost normal sleep cycle I have now, and I had a meeting to discuss it with both at the same time but it was cancelled for some reason. Essentially, though, what the doctor said is that there are two more things we can try; Up the strength of the medication, and light therapy. Stronger meds might make the nights that I still can't fall asleep be even less frequent than they are now. It doesn't happen often, but I'm completely fucked up when it does. I'm not so sure about the light therapy, though. Normally, it would work. But as far as I've understood, I'm not affected by light and dark the same way normal people are. I don't get tired when the sun goes down. I don't wake up when the sun comes up. But, I'm gonna try. If we decide to. It all comes down to how expensive it is, really.
And, yeah... That's the most important things, I guess. A couple of minor thing;
- I've shaved my beard and cut my hair super-short. So now I don't look like an amish guy anymore. I look like a lesbian. Sort of. Although I have a five-day beard right now, so probably not so much.
- Fiber-connection is just around the corner, hopefully. I have all the stuff, I just need it to be activated. Which will happen on Monday, according to the letter I got. I don't believe it until it's actually up and running, though.
- My motivation to work out has been completely gone the last month. I blame the season. And my lack of a "focus", so to speak. But, I'm seeing a personal trainer of sorts next Monday, so... Yeah. Managed to keep my weight stable, though.
- I have a new toilet. The plumber was here to fix the old one, which we thought had a leak around the bottom. Turned out the leak was on the cistern-thing in the back, and it was both cheaper and easier to just switch out the whole thing than to try fixing it.
And that's an update on my life at the moment.
I need a girlfriend.
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